Tuesday, October 15, 2013

You're my phantom limb.

Before it happens to you, you think it won't happen to you. You might worry, but in the back of your mind you know that it won't be you. You won't have a miscarriage. You won't lose your baby. That happens to other people. Not you.

But then it does happen. To you.

And then you're in this club...the worst club. For obvious reasons, but also because, for the most part, we don't talk about it. It's too sad. Nobody wants to hear about that. It makes people feel awkward. Just keep it to yourself.

There are so many of us. So many. But I bet you didn't know that I'm in the club. And I probably don't know that you are too.

It's okay to keep it close, if that's what you need.
But it's okay to talk about, too. It's not your job to make sure others feel comfy, especially not when you're going through, quite possibly, the worst thing of your life.
And on that note, it's okay if it's not the worst thing that's ever happened. It's okay if you don't feel lots of emotion and need time to grieve.

It's okay to be angry. Even over the little things. The unintentional things. 

I'm in a mom group. I remember after it happened to me, a couple months later my friend got pregnant. Cue jealousy!
And other girls made comments about "the first pregnancy since our November babies."
Cue anger.
I can look back now, with a clear head and see that, of course they meant nothing by this. But at the time, I wanted to crawl in a hole.

And my friends know this. I'm thankful that in that dark time, I had such a wonderful support system. People that would listen, without judgement. People who understood. People who didn't understand, but still cared, deeply.

Unfortunately not everyone has that.
Do you need that now? Let's talk. Email me. Call me. Text me. Don't really know me? I don't mind, if you don't. Keep it anonymous if you'd like, but I'm putting it out there now, that I'm here for you. You don't have to carry the hurt alone.

Right around now, I would have a one year old. But I don't.
I do have a 5 month old. And I am so beyond, beyond, beyond grateful.
It's a very terrible, confusing bitter sweetness.
How can you feel both happy and sad? I don't know.

But I do know that I think of them all. I love them all. I always will.



  1. Great post Lydia! I'm so sorry about your precious little one. My sister went through it and it is awful. Praying more mommas will find strength in the support of friends like you. You are so precious.

  2. Wow, I'm so sorry Lydia. I can't help but admire how strong you are. I'm so glad you were blessed with Sullivan. You needed him. I can't wait to meet your newest addition to your perfect family, because Lydia, it really is perfect. All four of you. Let's have a date soon a catch up! Miss you!

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  4. You're very brave. This is such an unfortunate part of life that affects so many. It's uncomfortable to dwell on the fact that I have a sibling who would be about eight. It's heartache, and my heart goes out to the mothers who endure it. Xx

  5. Lydia, this is so beautiful. I'm sorry that you had to go through such difficult times, but glad that you are so blessed with two precious ones that are with you. You are such a strong spirit. I love you girl xoxo

  6. This is so beautiful. We haven't started trying for little ones yet, but even the thought is terrifying and heartbreaking all at once. I can't even image. You're so strong, Lydia.

  7. Thank you for writing this. And I know its not an easy thing to talk about and agree that is sucks how its almost considered shameful to bring up. I wrote about my own miscarriage on my blog a couple years ago (not sure if you read it) so here is a link in case you'd like to read about my experience. Can I be secretary of the club? ;) http://srslyliz.com/a-story-with-no-happy-ending

  8. I love ya Lyds! You are such a sweet and caring 'old soal' in my eyes. You are an amazing mother and friend. This was so touching to read. You are so right, its almost taboo which is odd considering how many woman have to suffer the same loss. Its a club I hate to be a part of but glad to have friends like you who understand. <3


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