Tatum Auden: A Birth Story. (Image Heavy!)

{I listened to this song on repeat the entire morning. I suggest you press play and listen now.}

I didn't sleep at all the night before my induction. Seriously, how could I? I stayed up all night watching television, working on my birth playlist (never even used it!), and being emotional (duhz).
We had to be to the hospital by 6 am, so I started preparing things and getting ready around 4 am. It felt very odd to be getting ready (fixing my hair and such) to go to the birth of my baby. I had been a little bummed that I was missing out on the "surprise factor" of labor. But on this morning, I didn't care anymore. I was just excited, nervous, and so ready to meet her.

We (me + Josh, it was only the two of us at her birth.) were just hanging out in our room at the hospital for awhile. The induction finally began around 7:30. And just a bit later, my doctor came in to break my water. That was a crazy feeling. When my water rushed out, I said, "Whoa!" And everyone laughed. (I'm a riot.) To be perfectly honest, most of this day--past that point, is a blur. I had planned on going med free for the birth, but after awhile my contractions were making me feel incredibly nauseous, which actually felt worse than the pain of the contractions. I told my nurse and she offered to give me Zofran. I debated for awhile, but decided I would go for it. 

The Zofran helped tremendously. I felt so, so much better. I was even able to nap a tiny bit here + there. I could feel my contractions, but I didn't really mind them anymore. A few hours later, we discovered this was because I had been given another medicine--a pain medicine--in addition to the Zofran. I was kind of upset about this for a few minutes, because I'm basically 100% certain that the nurse didn't mention it. If this were only my opinion, that would be one thing, but Josh says he doesn't think she said anything about it, either. I didn't say anything to the nurse, because I'm sure it was just a miscommunication, and also because I opted to receive the medicine again. 

After some time those drugs wore off, and I couldn't receive them any more, because I had progressed too far for them.

At some point in the day, I received a new nurse due to a shift change. I loved both of my nurses, but this girl was my favorite. She was wonderful at putting me at ease and encouraging me, us. I never talked about this on the blog or to many people at all, but a part of me really believed that I was going to die in childbirth. There was a time in my pregnancy where I was crying every single day, because I just knew that I was going to die. I ended up telling this nurse my fear and after doing so, I felt so much better. She had such a calming presence and after talking with me, basically took this fear away. 

Contractions were nothing like I expected. I don't really know what I thought they would be like...And there is no way to describe them. At all. All I can say about them is that they are crazy painful, and I can't believe how they affected me. Josh told me later that he cried watching me deal with the pain. I was really surprised at how they made me act. I was totally the "crazy-lady-yelling-at-husband" type. Not the whole time! But a few times. And two of those times I pretty much FREAKED out. One of them I can't really remember anything about, I can just see it in my head. The other time was when I finally decided to give up entirely on the med-free business and get an epidural.

Josh and I had made a "code word" that morning, so he would know when I really wanted one. When I told him I needed the epidural, he kept wanting me to say the code word. This infuriated me. I think it was because we had chosen something really goofy and I didn't want to say it in front of anyone. The nurse said, "Everyone has a code word, and the girls never want to say it." 

Finally, I gave in, "BARNEY STINSON! There, Josh, are you happy?! I said it!" (I was way, way more ignorant than that, but I can't remember the rest of what I said.)

So, I got the epidural. And even though it wasn't my original goal, I am happy I did it, and I don't regret it one bit.

I was at 8.5 cm when I received the epidural. And after getting it, I was able to nap for a couple of hours and I, obviously, felt so much better. My decision to get it was based on the fact that I was feeling terribly unhappy. I wasn't enjoying the experience at all, which I felt like I should have been. I didn't want to have any negative feelings during the birth whatsoever, and after the epidural I knew I wouldn't. And I didn't. 

It did make things kind of weird, though...Example: It is super hard and creepy to hold your leg up, but feel like you are holding someone else's leg. It is also very gross to watch your legs be moved around and not feel it at all. Major heeby-jeebys!

The one thing I was worried about with the epidural was that it would slow my labor and pushing process. It didn't.

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I was still able to push properly, even though I couldn't really feel it. I don't know why, but this made me kind of proud of myself. Totally lame, I know, but it encouraged me! 

When I was pushing my nurse told me that she thought the baby had hair and asked if I wanted to watch. I shocked myself by saying yes. I didn't think I would want to, but I really did. 

I'm not sure when it happened, but at one point the nurse checked me, and I wasn't ready yet. Then, a couple of minutes later she checked me again. While she was checking me, she was telling a nurse to call my doctor to come over. During the check, she corrected herself and told the nurse that the doctor needed to run, not walk, over there.

After my doctor arrived, we really got down to business, and she came fairly quickly. 

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This was the most amazing, beautiful moment of my life. I remember my doctor telling me to reach down and catch my baby. I got to deliver my own baby + that was the most incredible thing. I remember yelling, "Oh my gosh!", when I saw her for the first time. Josh says I said some other cheesy stuff, too. But, hello, I'm pretty sure that's to be expected. Also, there was obviously some crying happening. Not only from me + Tatum...Surprisingly, Josh cried, too.

Honestly, I still can't believe she is real. I can't believe this actually happened. I feel beyond blessed. 

*A couple of these pictures are mildly embarrassing, but I wanted to share them, regardless. Even though they are sort of funny (seriously, it's okay to laugh.) they are so wonderful to me. I am so glad I have them to look back on, and see just how I felt in that moment. I love how real they are.

**I know the picture quality is rough, but I'm pretty sure that the nurse who took them isn't moonlighting as a photographer. Just a wild guess. : )