Saturday, August 7, 2010

The Oyster + The Pearl.

FUN FACT: I used to be completely, madly, head over heels in love with the world of fashion. All of it. The magazines, the designers, models, just everything. This all started when I was about 15 years old. I'm not sure what sparked my interests. I just remember my first magazine that wasn't a J-14 or Bop...It was a Teen Vogue with Eve as the cover girl. For years I bought/received in the mail every issue of any fashion/style related magazine I could get my hands on. TV and ELLEgirl, eventually getting into their mother magazines, and the other more grown up ones.

It wasn't long before I knew I wanted a career in the fashion business. I couldn't pinpoint exactly what I wanted to do...I knew I was a writer or a stylist. Both? When the first Teen Vogue Fashion University rolled around, I worked for days on my entry essays, nevermind the math homework piling up. Finally the email came, the one I'd been waiting for...I'd been "accepted." 

Thrilled (obviously), I told my parents about it. Explaining that only so many girls are accepted to go, blahblahblah, but I was told what I had dreaded from the start: We couldn't afford it. I told friends all about it, and friends told others. I had a couple of people (two people who I respect very much, because they make things happen) tell me I had to find a way, a fundraiser, something. It was a once in a lifetime opportunity that I just shouldn't/couldn't pass up. 

Nevertheless, this opportunity passed me by. Eventually, I became less and less a part of that world. I still read magazines, watch shows in relation to these things, but my heart isn't really "in it."  You are probably wondering why I am telling you all of this. Basically, I miss being ultra passionate about something; feeling like, in a way, my life depended on it. Way to sound dramatic, Lydia...but I think if you've ever felt that way about something, you understand what I'm saying. 

I've been feeling this way for awhile now. I need something to call my own. I used to be that way, and I had something. Now I feel like I need to embark on an entire journey of self-discovery. I want to do so many things. I haven't been up to anything lately. I feel sloth-like, and it's so draining. I need my own personal identity. I don't want to just be wife and, someday, mother, and that be all of who I am. I know that's all some people want, and that is a great thing. But I just want to be able to be someone outside of, or rather, along with those things. I want to be a wodnerful wife, amazing mother, writer, artist, musician, photographer, designer, sewer (is that even a word?), baker, cook, business owner. I want it all. I want to do so many things, at least try them out. There is this deep longing in me, that is breaking my heart, because I've ignored it for so long. 

I never get very deep on this blog. Not at all. But I suppose this little post right here is my way of saying that this blog is transitioning, becoming something more. This is now my record of all my adventures, attempts, mishaps, discoveries, lessons. And I will share with you every step of the way.

"just like oliver, i wanted more."


(images via wehearit)


  1. amen to that, sista. i love it. words to live by.

  2. YES!!! I most certainly agree!! Sending you a hug! GREAT POST!

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  4. oh, i love you. i love your heart.
    i see your passion, and i see it growing and forming. and i'm sooo excited because you have your blog, so i can follow along! i want to be everything too, and it's hard to choose just one thing to go after full force. because i don't want to settle, i can do it all. we can do it all! but, if anything, i've just realized an appreciation for the now and for everything. i bet that sounds so cliche, but it's trueeee. especially when i'm with luke, and i'm sure you know what it's like, but everything is so much better with him. i could do the boringest things in the world for ever. and so that makes me want to be passionate all the time about everything, about nothing. so, i don't really know if this really relates to what you're talking about, but i'm really excited to see where you're going and what you're going to do. let's dooo it!

  5. i want to do everything too. there will always be people out there, telling you you can't do something, but do it anyway. look at lucille ball. someone told her she'd never be a famous actress and she is now known as one of the funniest actresses of all times (and one of my faves). steve jobs was fired from his own company years ago and he is now ceo of apple and pixar!
    i think if you want to be barbie and do everything, you should.


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