The Oyster + The Pearl.

FUN FACT: I used to be completely, madly, head over heels in love with the world of fashion. All of it. The magazines, the designers, models, just everything. This all started when I was about 15 years old. I'm not sure what sparked my interests. I just remember my first magazine that wasn't a J-14 or Bop...It was a Teen Vogue with Eve as the cover girl. For years I bought/received in the mail every issue of any fashion/style related magazine I could get my hands on. TV and ELLEgirl, eventually getting into their mother magazines, and the other more grown up ones.

It wasn't long before I knew I wanted a career in the fashion business. I couldn't pinpoint exactly what I wanted to do...I knew I was a writer or a stylist. Both? When the first Teen Vogue Fashion University rolled around, I worked for days on my entry essays, nevermind the math homework piling up. Finally the email came, the one I'd been waiting for...I'd been "accepted." 

Thrilled (obviously), I told my parents about it. Explaining that only so many girls are accepted to go, blahblahblah, but I was told what I had dreaded from the start: We couldn't afford it. I told friends all about it, and friends told others. I had a couple of people (two people who I respect very much, because they make things happen) tell me I had to find a way, a fundraiser, something. It was a once in a lifetime opportunity that I just shouldn't/couldn't pass up. 

Nevertheless, this opportunity passed me by. Eventually, I became less and less a part of that world. I still read magazines, watch shows in relation to these things, but my heart isn't really "in it."  You are probably wondering why I am telling you all of this. Basically, I miss being ultra passionate about something; feeling like, in a way, my life depended on it. Way to sound dramatic, Lydia...but I think if you've ever felt that way about something, you understand what I'm saying. 

I've been feeling this way for awhile now. I need something to call my own. I used to be that way, and I had something. Now I feel like I need to embark on an entire journey of self-discovery. I want to do so many things. I haven't been up to anything lately. I feel sloth-like, and it's so draining. I need my own personal identity. I don't want to just be wife and, someday, mother, and that be all of who I am. I know that's all some people want, and that is a great thing. But I just want to be able to be someone outside of, or rather, along with those things. I want to be a wodnerful wife, amazing mother, writer, artist, musician, photographer, designer, sewer (is that even a word?), baker, cook, business owner. I want it all. I want to do so many things, at least try them out. There is this deep longing in me, that is breaking my heart, because I've ignored it for so long. 

I never get very deep on this blog. Not at all. But I suppose this little post right here is my way of saying that this blog is transitioning, becoming something more. This is now my record of all my adventures, attempts, mishaps, discoveries, lessons. And I will share with you every step of the way.

"just like oliver, i wanted more."

xo.

(images via wehearit)