Saturday, October 23, 2010

what the future holds.

Back in January, I dropped out of school. I was going through a rough time, trying to figure out who I was and what I really wanted for my future. I was majoring in education, then before spring semester began, I started doubting myself. I really love art and started thinking that maybe I was going in the wrong direction. Then, when it came time to register for classes, I realized I was being silly and that teaching kindergarten was what I really wanted to do.

So classes began, and I was taking a course that allowed me to actually go out into the field and work in a classroom for a few days. I loved the kids, so much. I was only with them for about three days, but in those days I totally bonded with them. To this day, if I mention them, I refer to them as "my kindergarteners." (Which may be weird, but whatever.) So, I loved the kids. But that was just it...I watched the teachers scold them and at many times get onto them for pointless, menial things. And I realize that I didn't have to become that person, of course not. But at the same time, I realized I didn't really want the job, because I only wanted to be their friend; not the disciplinarian, but a playmate. I think I would've been more than a wonderful teacher. (Just being honest here!) But deep down, I started to feel like it still might not have been the job for me.

So, I quit.

For a long time I've wondered what I really want. Well, to be perfectly honest, I want so many things. The other day Kelle Hampton wrote a blog that mentioned a quote from "Little Women." Jo rattles off an argument in the midst of some heated debate. Then, someone says, "You should've been a lawyer." Jo responds, "I should've been a great many things." And that's how I feel. I shouldn't settle...I should be a great many things. And that's what I really want for myself.

For now, I am about to embark on a journey to secure one of these things that I want. My cosmetology license. I realize that sort of came out of nowhere...But I thought long and hard about this decision, and I know that this is one of the things that I want for myself. Every time I think about it, I get really excited and anxious and just can't wait! Most of this excitement stems from this idea that came to me. (Well, really I feel that God gave it to me, and is wanting me to use this job to the glory of Him.) I'd like to do a separate post sometime soon on this individual idea, to explain in depth and give it the full attention it deserves. I know you're probably confused and trying to figure out a connection between God and cosmetology...but it's there!

Another thing that I really have a strong calling for is working with children. I had talked before of wanting to become a foster mother, but I know that really may never happen. (Josh is very uneasy about it, which I completely understand.) But I found something recently that is the next best thing/the best thing...depending on how you look at it. CASA. Court Appointed Social Advocate. After I turn 21, I can begin training for this position, and after passing, I will be given cases to find children proper, loving homes. I will be there for them, every step of the way, working for them and finding them the best life possible; the life they deserve. I can't wait.

And then, there is this other thing...but it's quite far off in the distance. Still lots of work, planning, talking, and much more to do. But I know that if it is meant to happen, it will. And I really hope it's meant to happen!

What are some of your dreams and major goals?
I'd love to hear!



  1. I went to university to do English, because those were the subjects I liked at school. All the teachers didn't really care what we were doing, as long as we were going to university. I hated it.
    I was home by Christmas, and I just felt like such a failure. So I ended up working for the next few years.
    I just started doing journalism at college a couple of months ago and I love it! I want to use it to do something I love for a living. x

  2. Being a CASA seems so awesome and rewarding, Lydia. I hope you go through with that!

  3. Wow! I know exactly how you feel, I wrote a blog post on it not long ago...

    I truly know exactly where you are, and you will be better off doing what you really want and never regretting it.

  4. I don't think I've ever commented before, but this post resonates with me!
    I can absolutely identify with you!!! AAAANNNNnnnnnddd, low and behold, I used to volunteer for CASA! I was too young to be an advocate, so I was able to help in the (tiny) office taking care of files and assisting advocates with office related tasks. It was a great way for me to look into CASA and get a feel for the cases and the kids involved. Honestly, it was a really beneficial experience for me, and I know that it'll be a great place for you (not an easy one AT ALL, but a special one). Best of luck on your journey(ies) is all about them afterall! <3

  5. I really love that quote too and struggle with this a lot. I'm anxious to read your more in depth post. =)

  6. my biggest dream is to teach college level english and to be the "cool" teacher. someone students can identify with but still respect rather than hate. i want to teach students to love, or at least appreciate, literature because of what it teaches and shows us about the world and about humanity.

    y'know, nothing too big ;).

    I think it's great you're going after your dreams. I've always considered taking classes after i officially graduate just to keep exploring my other interests and never be stuck--which is what your whole blog reminded me of.

  7. This is such a great blog post. Inspiring. I wish you the best on your journey to accomplish your dreams and goals.

    When I try to think of my dreams and goals I realize that I am very much a live in the "now" type person. It kinda stinks because I think having dreams and goals and something to work towards is rather magical.

    I wish you the best.

  8. so excited for you to be following your dreams! good for you! mine is to be a wardrobe/prop stylist and/or an event planner. i'm working on it....


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