Thursday, October 7, 2010

The Reluctant Father.

Today I was watching videos on one of my favorite youtube channels. (Kiersten Holine is absolutely beautiful, but this post isn't about her. I do, however, suggest you listen to every song she has up!) I was then led to her Tumblr page. I browsed through a couple of pages and came across a link to a little photo/blog series called, "The Reluctant Father." 

The introduction page on Phillip Toledano's website says this, "When his daughter Loulou was born he was faced with the sobering realization that every baby enters the world as a stranger, a living riddle demanding to be solved." So this series is the path to solving that puzzle; to discovering who his daughter is, what kind of father he is, who they are together.  And it's beautiful. It's beautiful because it's honest, true, funny, messy, and tough. He really didn't hold back.
Now, I'm not a man, and I'm not a mom, but I would venture to guess that most men truly do feel a bit like ol' Phillip here. Obviously, some men want to be fathers more than others do, but regardless, it's tougher on the dads of the world. (Please do not think I am saying fathers do not love their babies or anything crazy like that.) It's a different connection. It develops completely differently. And obviously most people aren't going to come out and say things like,

"And when they pulled Loulou out, I stood up and said, 'Holy shit! She's enormous!'
It's funny. There's how you feel, and then there's how you think you should feel.
When people have kids on tv or in the movies, there are tears of joy, cries of delight.
Did I feel a tsunami of love wash over me? Not really. If anything it just seemed absurd that I was a father. ME! A father!"

I am NOT saying this is how most men feel. Nothing like that. What I guess I am saying is...I UNDERSTAND feeling like that. It's funny, a couple of days ago, Josh and I were talking about having our first kid and I asked if he thought he'd cry. He said no. I was like, "Whoa. Really?" And I was surprised and I didn't get it. But now I do. 
Whatever. The point is, it's really interesting and touching to read through his little posts and pictures and see how his relationship with his daughter grows and blossoms, and how he begins to really love being not just a father, but a DAD. So, I highly recommend taking 5 minutes and checking these out. 

much love.

p.s. speaking of babies! here's a little flashback for you:

{me! as a totally cute baby.}
{i said that like it's a halloween costume.}


  1. i truly believe that this is how it was for my husband. he told me the first thing he thought when wyatt was "pulled out" was "is anyone noticing that his head is shaped weird like that?" and he was really freaked out that no one addressing his misshapen head (from being stuck in the birth canal for a while, it went back to normal later). isn't that funny?

    when you're pregnant, you eat, sleep, live your baby. i mean, you carry it around with you wherever you go. it's this huge obvious thing sticking out and it's just always on your mind. so you are forced to completely over analyze everything there is about it.

    for josh, he wasn't constantly reminded because he wasn't pregnant. he still was selfish (not that that's a bad thing) because all he had to really think about too much was himself. i mean, yeah he cared for me and took care of me, but it wasn't to the extent that i went through to care for myself.

    i can honestly tell you that josh is completely in love with wyatt. it took a little while to get there though. there's a surface love you feel at first, but then it just grows and grows.

    and i have to admit that i felt the same way. i loved wyatt when i first met him, but it's definitely changed. now i'm IN love with him. i love him more now than i did then. all of this is normal and healthy and i think really not addressed too often because it sounds harsh. when you first meet your baby, it's so overwhelming that whatever you're feeling at the time should be accepted as normal!

    great post.

  2. You totally were such a fresh baby.
    I love you.

  3. What an awesome post. I have a feeling my husband is going to be the same way:)

  4. Aww!
    That baby pic is adorable!



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